Sobriety is Sexy

Puking on your Shoes? Not so much…

Hands shaking, stomach birling, I roll over facing away from Sandy, my husband of 31 years. I try to rest, listening to his signature snore, my favorite, the one that lulls me to sleep, not the one that shakes me awake. I consider the lie of omission wondering if I’d get away with it. I try to remember, when, how, or why I would carelessly toss out three decades of sobriety. No recall of taste, location, or reason surfaces, just the gut-wrenching memory that it happened.

Then…

I realize it’s a dream or some horrendous thought sublimely planted in my mind as I dozed. It’s happened before. I’ve learned it is a common occurrence for many recovering alcoholics. Trust me, it sucks. It’s like skipping the fun part of the party, leaving with a hang-over, puking on your shoes, except even worse because all I got was brutal remorse.

I’m guessing many of you are wondering what the big deal is. So what if she had a drink or even indulged in a legendary bender? I know that’s what I would be thinking if I weren’t a recovering alcoholic, but I am. You see sobriety is more than just abstaining from alcohol, it’s a credo, a chosen alternative lifestyle.

Speaking for myself only, I am pretty sure I could handle a few drinks today. Of course I never could before and always thought I could…